


What I’m Thankful For by Amelia Smith-Dameron

by TuppingLiberty



Series: Organa's Organics [25]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: 1st grade is hard y'all, Amelia POV, M/M, Social Anxiety, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 03:19:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6498766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuppingLiberty/pseuds/TuppingLiberty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Thanksgiving, and Amelia's been given an assignment to write about what she's thankful for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I’m Thankful For by Amelia Smith-Dameron

**Author's Note:**

> Forewarning: I'm aware of the issues surrounding Thanksgiving and the exploitation and death of Natives. Amelia's in first grade, though, and this is a pretty accurate portrayal of what we teach 1st graders about 'history.'

Every day in Mr. Ferguson’s first grade classroom, the hour before morning recess was dedicated to reading and writing. This was Amelia’s favorite part of the day, way better than math after lunch. Math was so boring, and all Amelia wanted to do after lunch was fall asleep. Daddy-Poe tried to help her, and both of her daddies told her how important math was, but reading and writing was  _ so much _ more fun. Molly was really good at math, though, but she had a hard time with writing out answers, and that made Amelia feel better about the confusing world of fractions. 

At the front of the classroom, Mr. Ferguson announced, “This week we are going to work on a poem about Thanksgiving.”  Amelia felt a little jolt of pleasure at the announcement. She loved Thanksgiving at the farm. Everyone came, even Auntie Rey and Aunt Jess down from Washington, and they all ate in the big house around Nanalay’s table. She could definitely write about that.

“So tonight, I want you to think about the people that you’re thankful for. And why you’re thankful for them.”

Mr. Ferguson went on to read them a book about Thanksgiving, and Amelia even raised her hand to answer one of his questions.

\---------------------------------------

“Do you have any homework today, nugget?” Daddy-Poe met her eyes in the rearview mirror, and she smiled at him.

“I’m supposed to think about who I’m thankful for in my life, and why, but that’s easy.”

Daddy smiled back at her. “We’ve got a pretty great list of people, huh? Anything else?”

Amelia made a face. “I have math.”

“I’ll help you out, Amelia. We can figure it out together.” Daddy yawned. “What else happened today?”

“I had a great day at school. We read a book about Thanksgiving and Molly told the funniest joke at lunch, it was a knock knock joke and the answer was orange! Isn’t that funny, Daddy?” Daddy nodded. “And we started making decorations for Thanksgiving and I love Thanksgiving so much because Auntie Rey and Aunt Jess come to visit and we watch that parade on tv, and we get to eat a lot and everyone’s always really happy.” Amelia continued until she couldn't think of anything else. Daddy seemed quiet and happy to let her talk it all out, but then he didn't say anything when she finally did stop. “Is everything okay, Daddy?”

Daddy smiled, then yawned again. “Of course, nugget. Daddy’s just still getting used to Caleb sleeping in our room.”

Amelia knew that Caleb didn't like being alone, especially at night. He missed his mama. Sometimes Amelia tried to remember hers, but could only remember small things, like the feeling of soft arms holding her. Whenever she felt like she couldn’t remember anything, she’d go look at the small photo in the hallway. One afternoon, when she’d been playing with Caleb, she’d taken him to see the picture, and told him about her mama and dada dying. A few days later, the photo of Caleb and his mama was hung on the wall, prettily framed. Sometimes her daddies could be so sneaky. And wonderful. She and Caleb visited their pictures a lot after that. 

When they arrived home, it was that special time before Nan brought Caleb back over from the main house, and before Daddy-Finn and Meghan got home from Salem, and Amelia had Daddy-Poe all to herself. Normally, he helped her with her homework. Tonight he looked at it, which was about the dreaded fractions, and asked, “Hey, would you like to make cookies?”

Amelia raised her eyebrows. “Before homework?”

Daddy smiled down at her. “It’ll be part of your homework, nugget. Come on,” he said, standing up from the dining table and moving into the kitchen, and she followed. He began to pull ingredients out of cupboards. Amelia dragged the step stool over to the counter and climbed up. 

Daddy pulled out his phone and brought up the recipe. “Okay, we need one cup of carob chips.” Amelia reached out for the cup measure, but Daddy stopped her hand. “Pretend all we have is this quarter cup measure. How will we get a cup?”

“I’m not sure, Daddy,” Amelia said, a little whine entering her voice. 

“Well, let’s see how many of these little ones it takes to fill up the cup measure.” Together they counted out four quarter cups before the cup got full. “See, you need four, because it’s 1/4th.” 

Daddy made her count out all of the ingredients in quarters and thirds and halves until she started to get the hang of it. “Daddy, I don’t think I’ve ever worked  _ so hard _ for cookies.” She sighed dramatically, and Daddy laughed.

He ruffled a hand through her hair. “I bet they’ll taste extra good then,  _ after _ dinner.” She pulled open the oven door and he placed the cookies inside. “So, let’s try that homework again.”  With the cookie making on her mind, they raced through it, finishing just as Nan walked through the mud room with Caleb. 

Caleb lit up when he saw Amelia, and Amelia smiled wide, feeling it in her heart. She loved Caleb so much, and when he raced over to her, she swung him up in a hug. He was babbling in his toddler speak about his day, which she always thought was funny. Had she really sounded like that once? What if  _ Daddy _ or  _ Nan _ had sounded like that once. She giggled at herself. “Want to play, Caleb?”

“Just for a little bit, nugget. Daddy and Meghan will be home soon, and we’ll have dinner. Would you like to stay, Ann?” Daddy and Nan walked back into the kitchen, and Amelia got out the trucks for Caleb.

\---------------------------------

The next day in school, Amelia awaited reading and writing time eagerly.  Mr. Ferguson approached the front of the room. “Okay, guys, did you think of a list of people that you’re thankful for?” Amelia nodded her head energetically, and so did most of the class. “Alright, we’re going to try something new today. You’re going to share your list with a partner.” He walked through the room, pairing off students, and Amelia felt a cold finger of dread in her stomach. She was paired off with Hector, one of Steven’s group of mean boys. She couldn’t talk to him. Well, she didn't want to talk to anybody, except for maybe Molly. She'd never had to do this in kindergarten. So, after Hector had gone and he was staring blankly at her, she sat there, still as a board, refusing to speak. They sat in an awkward silence for what seemed like too long before Mr. Ferguson clapped his hands for attention. Hector glared at her, as if she was going to get him in trouble. 

She turned away. Mr. Ferguson was speaking again. “So, Thanksgiving is all about sharing and being kind to others. Tonight I want you to go home and try and do something kind for one of the people on your list. Be ready to share with your partner what you did.”

\---------------------------------

She was quieter on the car ride home today, but Daddy-Poe looked tired again too, and didn’t ask her a lot of questions.  That was good. She didn’t want to talk about how she’d refused to do what the teacher asked. Instead, she thought about who she was going to do something kind for. There were lots of things she could do. But, she was beginning to think of an idea that wouldn’t be kind for just one of her people, but  _ three _ . Amelia grinned in anticipation.

When Daddy prompted her for homework, she told him she didn’t have any (which was kind of a lie, and she felt a little guilty), and that she was going to play in her room (which was definitely a lie, but she wanted it to be a surprise).  She didn’t miss the look of gratefulness on his face as he collapsed on the couch and closed his eyes. She smiled a bit. She wasn’t offended that he wanted to take a short nap instead of hang out with her. She was going to make him a present.

She closed her door, then began by organizing her closet. She worked her way around the room, slowly consolidating toys and books and clothes. At some point she heard Meghan climb the stairs and head to her room, and heard her daddies greet each other. She worked hard, until she found herself in front of the bookshelf, pondering how she was going to move it. It had to move, though. Sighing, she went and knocked on Meghan’s door. She heard a soft “Come in,” and opened it, peeking her head inside. Meghan was sitting at her desk, drawing or writing or something. Meghan was always creating.

“Meghan, could you help me with something in my room?”

“Sure, squirt.” She unfolded herself from her chair and followed Amelia back to her room. “Amelia, what have you been doing in here?”

“I’m going to share my room with Caleb. So he doesn’t have to sleep alone. And so our daddies can get some rest.”

Meghan stared at her, eyebrow raised. “Aren’t you worried that you won’t get any sleep?”

Amelia shrugged. “I wake up early anyway.”

Her sister was nodding, looking around the room as if seeing the possibilities. “And sharing your room with a boy?”

“Caleb hardly counts as a boy. It’s not like he’s Steven or something.”

Meghan ran a hand over the French braids she’d done for Amelia that morning. Given Amelia’s active nature and fine hair, large chunks had fallen out of the braids and were hanging all around her face. Meghan smiled. “Okay, what can I help you with?”

With Meghan’s assistance, they rearranged the furniture until there was a large clear spot for the crib that her daddies had gotten at Ikea. Then, the girls tried to maneuver the crib out of the master bedroom, but it was too heavy for Meghan by herself. 

“Ladies, dinner!” Daddy-Finn called from downstairs. 

“Do you want them to see your surprise now or after dinner?” Meghan asked.

Amelia considered this for a second. “Now,” she said decisively. 

“Okay, why don’t you go wait in your room and I’ll go get them.”

Amelia was sitting on her bed when she heard the footsteps of her whole family coming down the hallway. She stood, wide smile on her face, and as Daddy-Finn rounded the door frame, she exclaimed, “Surprise!”

“Uh, what’s going on in here?” Daddy-Finn asked as the rest of them piled into the room. “Why’d you move all of your stuff?”

Amelia gestured with wide arms to the empty spot she’d created. “Because this is where Caleb is going to sleep!”

Caleb’s eyes lit up.  He nodded emphatically.  “Yes” and “Sleep” and “Amelia” all came from his mouth amid the other toddler babble.

Her daddies were looking at each other, but they weren’t smiling, and Amelia got worried. “I just thought that-”

Daddy-Poe knelt down to her height. “Are you sure you want to share a room, Amelia?  I’m sure that in a few months, we’ll be able to clear out the guest room and make that Caleb’s.”  Behind him, Caleb was shaking his head.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” She nodded once, determined.

“I think it’s a good idea,” Meghan put in. 

Daddy-Finn looked around at everyone’s faces, eventually settling on Daddy-Poe’s, and they did the thing where they communicated without talking. Then, he smiled. “Well, I guess your daddy and I should move the crib over, then.” Caleb and Amelia clapped their hands.

That night, Caleb slept well, and her daddies looked happier in the morning too.

\--------------------------

“You’re going to refuse to do the homework?” Molly’s mouth was hanging open. “But, Mr. Ferguson is  _ the teacher. _ ” 

Amelia took off her coat and hung it up, then shrugged at Molly. “I did the homework. Caleb gets to sleep in my room- our room now. But I’m not going to ‘share with my partner about it.’ He can’t make me talk,” she said with false bravado. Really, she was shaking with the idea of upsetting Mr. Ferguson. It would kind of be like upsetting one of her Daddies. Or both. Amelia shuddered slightly.

At reading and writing time, when Mr. Ferguson told them to talk to their partner, Amelia sat silent. Hector, worried again that somehow he was the one who would be getting in trouble, complained to Mr. Ferguson. When Mr. Ferguson asked her again to share her story, she shook her head. He looked down at her a little sadly, and said, “Amelia, we’re going to have to talk during recess.” She gulped.

He turned away, raising his voice slightly. “Class, we’re going to be ending our Thanksgiving time by writing a poem about what we’re thankful for, and presenting it in front of class on Friday.” Mr. Ferguson smiled at them.

_ That _ sent shivers down Amelia’s spine. She felt like she had turned to stone in her desk. Miss O’Brien had  _ never _ forced her to talk in front of class. Now Mr. Ferguson kept pushing and pushing her.  _ And  _ she had to talk to him before recess, when her stomach felt like it was going to fall directly out of her body. Why couldn’t she just go back to kindergarten where things were easy?

After the other students had run off to their games, and Mr. Ferguson had made the lingering Molly leave, he asked her to sit down with him on the steps. “Did you do the homework, Amelia?”

Amelia looked down at her feet. “Yes, I did something kind.”

“How come you wouldn’t talk to Hector?”

She shrugged, not really wanting to tell him.

Mr. Ferguson pursed his lips, but he nodded. “Well, if you think of your reason, come tell me, okay?” She nodded. “Go find Molly, I’m sure she’s worried about you.”

Amelia gazed up at him, confused why she was getting let off the hook, but hurried away. She didn’t find Molly, instead wandering aimlessly to the large maple tree in the corner of the play yard. She leaned against it, a cold sweat breaking out on her face.

“Whoa,” Molly said as she came running up with a wall ball. She took one look at Amelia’s face and turned around, throwing the ball at some kids waiting by the wall. “Play without us!” She turned back to Amelia, taking one of her hands. “Are you going to throw up again? Was Mr. Ferguson that bad?”

Amelia shook her head. “No, I promise. He wasn’t that bad. I didn’t get in trouble.”

“Well then, what’s wrong?  Was it one of the boys?”

Another shake, Amelia straight black bob shivering. “I can’t do it, Molly.”

“Do what?” Molly tilted her head, as if Amelia was a puzzle she needed to solve. 

“Talk in front of the whole class. I won’t do it.” 

Molly squeezed her hand. “You  _ have _ to do it, Mr. Ferguson said so.”

Amelia pressed her lips together into a thin line, clenching her jaw. She pulled her hand from Molly’s and crossed her arms over her chest.

“You just answered a question in class two days ago.”

Amelia didn’t want to admit that raising her hand to answer a question about the Thanksgiving story had given her a jittery stomach all the way through lunch, and she’d barely eaten.  Molly would think she was being silly. The way Molly was looking at her right now, Amelia was pretty sure she already thought that. That was the problem with having a best friend that was just so… well, sometimes when Amelia watched Molly answer in class, she just seemed … shiny. Like she was a sun onto herself, and everyone else basked in her light like Buli did in the afternoon. Amelia wasn’t shiny, not like that.  

She kicked her heel against the tree. “Let’s just play some wall ball,” Amelia mumbled, shoving off from the tree.

Molly looked like she was going to say something else, but hooked an arm around Amelia’s and forced her into a skip instead. 

\--------------------------------------

“Knock knock,” Daddy-Finn said at her open bedroom door that night. She’d come up to play by herself, still upset about having to talk in front of class. 

“You can come in, Daddy.” She swept aside some of her stuffies and patted the bed beside her.

Daddy smiled and complied. “You were quiet at dinner tonight, sweet pea. Everything okay at school?”

She avoided her daddy’s face, knowing that if she did look at him, she’d end up telling him everything. “It’s fine.”

Daddy sighed heavily, and Amelia did look up at him then. “Amelia Mae, Mr. Ferguson called me today. He said you refused to do an assignment?”

Daddy was giving her the opening to explain herself rather than get caught in a lie again. She started to tear up. “I don’t want to do it, he’s making us all talk in front of the whole class. And I’m going to say something stupid and they’ll all laugh at me.” The last part came out as a wail, and she crawled into Daddy’s lap, even though she was really too big to. She felt his arms circle around her, and cried harder. 

“Oh, sweet pea, it’s okay,” he soothed, stroking her back. There was just something about the way her daddies rubbed her back, it made her feel like everything was perfectly okay in the world. Her tears slowed. “What do you have to talk about?”

She sniffled. “What we’re thankful for.”

“Well, that part’s easy, right? When you count your blessings with Daddy, you’re doing the same thing.”

Amelia nodded against his sweater. “You, and Daddy, and Meghan, and Caleb, and the farm, and Threepio, and Buli, and Molly, and my nanas, and my aunties…”

“See? Lots of things to be thankful for. That’s a pretty awesome list, mind if I copy it?”

“Even Threepio?”

Daddy chuckled. “Okay, maybe not Threepio.”

“Horses aren’t scary, Daddy. They’re fun.”

“Your father has been trying to convince me of that for five years. I don’t think I’m going to budge on it.”  She smiled, but burrowed in further. “Sweet pea, I know that talking in front of people is really scary.  The first time I went into court, I almost threw up. But Mr. Ferguson is just trying to get you to be comfortable with talking to your classmates. He’ll make sure they don’t laugh at you.”

Amelia thought of Stephen and Hector and the other mean boys on the playground from last year. Teachers didn’t always catch the naughty kids. She wasn’t convinced, and made a small doubting sound in her throat.

“What if Daddy and I came and watched? Mr. Ferguson said that all parents were invited. You could get up there, and look only at Daddy or me, and ignore everyone else. We’d love to hear what you have to say.”

She considered this, weighed the possibility that someone might think it was weird that she had two daddies. She took a deep breath. “I’d like it if you came. You and Daddy.”

\--------------------------------

The second night Caleb spent in her room, he woke her up when he had a nightmare, and so she crossed the room quietly, slipping her arm through the panels of the crib, and rubbed his back just like her daddies did for her when she was upset. She heard Daddy-Finn in the doorway, and she smiled at him as Caleb’s whimpers eased and he fell back asleep. “You don’t have to get up with him, sweet pea,” Daddy said as he tucked her back into her own bed. 

“I don’t mind.”

He leaned over to brush a kiss across her forehead. “You’re a good big sister. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Daddy.”

“I know you’re still worried about talking in front of class. But just remember, no matter what happens, remember how much everyone in this house loves you, okay?”

“Okay.” She nestled back into her pillow and fell asleep.

\---------------------------------

She was definitely going to throw up. Quite a few parents had shown up, actually, and the first grade room was crowded. The adults looked silly sitting in the little kid chairs, and Amelia wanted to laugh, but she was afraid that might allow the bile to slip up her throat.

One-by-one, the first graders got up and read their poems. Mr. Ferguson led everyone in polite applause after each kid.

She was near the end, because of the S from Smith-Dameron. After Hannah Shidley, Mr. Ferguson called her up, and she felt like her steps were stuttering. She made it to the front without tripping, and turned around, finding Daddy-Poe and Daddy-Finn at the back. They were standing, and Daddy-Poe’s arm was around Daddy-Finn’s back, and they both looked so expectant and happy and proud.

Amelia opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She felt like she stood there forever, silent seconds ticking by as she froze. But then Daddy-Finn held up his fingers in the form of a heart, and mouthed “We love you” and her throat started working again.

“What I’m Thankful For,” she whispered out.

\----------------------------------

**What I’m Thankful For,** _ by Amelia Smith-Dameron _

**T** he way my daddies love me

**H** aving fun with Caleb and Meghan

**A** cting silly with Molly

**N** owing how to ride Threepio  _ (On this line Mr. Ferguson put a blue “k” before the “nowing” with a smiley face.) _

**K** isses from Nan and Nanaley

**S** occer

\----------------------------------------

**Epilogue: What I’m Thankful For, Because Turnabout's Fair Play:  
**

_Scene: Everyone's around the big table in Leia's house, and Amelia has just finished saying her poem for the family. She tells them they have to tell her what they're thankful for, too._

 

**Caleb:** _< He pauses very briefly from running a truck around the table.>_ Trucks! 

**Meghan:** Being with people who understand me.  _ <She blushes and looks down at her food.> _

**Leia:** This time of year, spring.  _ <She sighs as if tired.> _ Can’t get here soon enough.

**Anne:** _ <Anne looks sincerely at Finn.> _ Second chances.

**Rey:** Smooth skies. And I guess Jess.  _ <She smiles winningly at Jess.> _

**Jess:** _ <Jess pokes Rey in the side.> _ This girl.

**Elisa:** My baby boy. Actually both of them.  _ <Elisa sticks out her tongue at Snap.> _

**Snap:** Elisa singing in the shower.  _ <Elisa whacks Snap lovingly on the shoulder.> _ What? I’m serious!

**Luis:** Dada, food?  _ <’Sounds about right,’ Snap says, and Elisa whacks him again.> _

**Poe:** Good land, rain, and the energy to make something out of both.  _ <He says this every year. It’s something Kes used to say.> _

**Finn:** _ <Finn takes Poe’s hand, then looks around the table.> _ The family we find, and the family that finds us.

**Author's Note:**

> Amelia gets worked up over little things, which I can empathize with.
> 
> Thank you for comments and kudos. <3
> 
> I'm @animalasaysrauer on tumblr, where I mostly reblog Stormpilot, Captive Prince, and Check Please, and post into the wind about writing and my life being a teacher.


End file.
